MCSWEENEY'S LISTS

OtherLong-Standing Feuds I'd Like to See Explored in a Commercial à la"Hi, I'm a Mac" ..."And I'm a PC."
BY JESSE BENJAMIN
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"Hi, I'm Dad's Root Beer." "And I'm RC Cola."
"Hi, I'm the Misfits." "And I'm Glenn Danzig's solo career."
"Hi, I'm buying alcohol." "And I'm paying rent."
"Hi, I'm Long Island." "And I'm New Jersey."
"Hi, I'm the Internet." "And I'm Doing Something Productive With My Free Time."
"Hi, I'm Lactose Intolerance." "And I'm Lactose Tolerance."
"Hi, I'm buying alcohol." "And I'm paying off student loans."
"Hi, I'm Woody Allen's 1989 film Crimes and Misdemeanors." "And I'm Woody Allen's 2005 film Match Point."
"Hi, I'm a Mac." "And I'm a Golden Delicious."

some of my own additions:

"Hi I'm a Dispensationalist." "And I'm anything but..."

Hi, I'm a just war theorist" "And I fight for peace, man!"

add your own...