Friday, December 8, 2006

advent reading...

"Gracious Lord, give me the patience to wait between the asking and the answer. Fill me with the joy of sweet anticipation! Amen."
-Following the Star (a daily online advent devotional guide)

Dear God
In the confusion of the time that is ahead I want to learn to wait.
Everytime I think about the future (post June) I am filled with questions. And
I'll admit that I am addicted to the answers. I think of the impending chaos
that I will throw my family into in the next few months. That's right I did this
- it was/is my decision. Shoot I know you had a hand in this but in the end,
after all is said and done - I decided this. And I'm scared...
...honestly, love is such a fragile thing that people share. My
instincts are to protect it - to clear the coming chaos for my boys, my wife,
our family, our marriage. I apologize for how I have pushed you aside. I also
want you to know that I find it difficult to know how to trust you. I am greedy
for control.
I want to learn to wait - confidently wait!

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