Monday, October 16, 2006

I am faced with a personal dilemma.

Yesterday morning, I was sitting in the balcony with my wife and two youngest kids. About 5 minutes into the message/sermon, the din of the junior highs two rows back became loud enough for me to notice. My oldest two sons happened to be sitting in those rows. So I got up out of my seat and when to sit with them. I tapped a few of them on the shoulder and for the next three minutes or so the noise was less. It was then that a wave of guilt washed over me.
What kind of message did I send to those junior highs by doing what I did?
I have heard far too many people complain about the noise level in the balcony on Sunday mornings. My response, though rarely vocalized, was to suggest that those people who had a problem with the noise should move down to the main level. Honestly my concern in going to sit with the JHers was that I was hoping to help others who might be distracted by their noise. The thinking there is that those boys and girls should respect other people even if they don’t get much out of the service itself.
That’s where the problem lies.
I think that what I did likely communicated the wrong message to these kids. And although they may not fully comprehend it, in effect I told them that there were certain expectations that we had of their behaviour when they were in church. They need to conform to a paradigm that is quite during the sermon. But in a larger way it also suggests to them that conformity itself is an essential paradigm to identification in the church. I’m not sure that we have spent too much focus on making our gathering times junior high accessible. The thought strikes me that maybe if we did we’d all be a bit more engaged. Like I have said in other posts, I am not interested in catering to one specific demographic and there reinforcing the notion that we should approach church selfishly but…
I wonder if I have contributed to the impression that these kids will develop all too readily that the church requires conformity instead of authenticity. Or on the other hand have I showed them the importance of disciplining their own desires to make room for the desires of others. Any thoughts…

7 comments:

Jody said...

I think it is fine to correct them for being too noisy. It's not a matter of conformity in the church, but one of respect for others. Would you feel badly for imposing "conformity" on a young group in a movie theater? MOvie-goers are asked to be quiet as a courtesy to others, not to conform, and I think the same can be said for church or any other gathering. I meet a lot of adults who probably could have benefited from someone like you when they were younger, because it seems they never learned to be considerate. Perhaps if you explain to the kids that others have trouble hearing the message if they're loud then they understand. But even junior highers are old enough to know if they are being disruptive- they just need a reminder sometimes. Don't feel bad.

Paul said...

I understand where your concern is coming from Dale, in community we have to accept that children will be crying that youth will be noisy and that the service the worship will go on. But I wouldnt worry about sitting with the youth, its also ok to say hey i think what this guy is saying is important...i dont know...dont worry about it too much...but i can understand your heart in this.

Increasing... said...

thanks Jody,
i think you bring up an important consideration: that of the need to teach general attitudes of courtesy in our youth. I think that the example of the movie theatre is interesting as well. I think that the basic premise is somewhat different in the theatre context. because all the movie goers have paid the same amount for their privilege to attend the theatre there is some built in accountability. the same is not the case in church. I just think that maybe the buy is different. I don't know what do you think?

Trevor said...

The difference between a movie theatre and a church is that in a movie theatre the other attendees would love it if you said to them, "if you are not interested in the movie then leave!" In a church most people would not appreciate you saying something like that.

Pastor Mo said...

Quietness during a sermon, has almost become a spiritual dicipline, Have you ever tryed to get feedback from behind the pulpit? In a youth group setting we are aware of different types of learners. Sunday morning we often make the assumption that everyone learns by just listening.

I'm all in favour of you shushing them, but we wouldn't have the same issue if there were efforts to engage, and I think that is what you were saying.

petra said...

I remeber many years ago in my german church, even before I was in youth, the teenagers sat in the very back, being disruptive most of the time. My very good friend Rosi, who was working in youth ministry invited them to sit in the left corner of the church close to the pulpit. I don't know how she got them to do it, but the teenagers moved to the front, payed attention and where actually involved. It changed everything!

Increasing... said...

you know petra most of our young people especially the senior high sit up at the front. unfortunately that hasn't seemed to stop the chit chatting or general distraction.