Monday, August 29, 2005

things fat people should not do...


buy a suit...
so you put this 4 foot by 4 foot frame inside basically any style of suit and turn around in the mirror and you ask the sales man as sincerely as you can, "Is this made by Coleman?" It's a legitimate question because after staring at your slef in the mirror for a mere 2.3817164 second you are convinced that you are wearing a tent. You are about to ask how many people it 'sleeps' - when he tells you, "No, that is just the way it hangs."
then you try on the pants. Now apparently people who normally wear the same size suit jacket as you just had on - have about 3 miles longer legs than you do. And now we find out where the dicky do really comes from as well. Apparently one is supposed to wear your dress pant two fingers below your navel.
Well I've got two fingers neither of which the saleman wants to see. But if i wear the pants under my belly (like i do my jeans) then the crotch of the pants meet at my knees. Even when I do pull them up to under my navel (which you have to recognize is only 2" below my arm pits) I only have a 23.5 inch inseam. This all combines flawlessly so that when you have both pieces on you end up looking more or less like a giant penguin. Kinda like the King Kong of penguins...
So why did you buy a suit?
Wedding.
out

6 comments:

Clinton said...

I tell you, a kilt is the way to go.

Incoming... said...

sure i'm just not sure what tartan runs in the friesen or rempel clan so...

Clinton said...

if memory serves, it's something to do with John Deere green and Cockshot yellow with a trace of Massey Harris red ...

Incoming... said...

thanks

Freezer said...

I laughed, I cried.

Mark W said...

hey its for a good cause. Trev is selling out to the married life and your that man to send him on his way.